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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Life
Spread
Wear
Maybe
Fall
Birthday
Inspirational
Aging
Else
Starts
True
Fifty
Everything
Begins
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
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Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
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I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power.
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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
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... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
Phyllis Diller
