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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Life
Spread
Wear
Maybe
Fall
Birthday
Inspirational
Aging
Else
Starts
True
Fifty
Everything
Begins
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
Phyllis Diller
When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
Phyllis Diller
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller
I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
Phyllis Diller
