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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Everything
Begins
Life
Spread
Wear
Maybe
Fall
Birthday
Inspirational
Aging
Else
Starts
True
Fifty
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
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Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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self-pity is better than none.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
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