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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Everything
Begins
Life
Spread
Wear
Maybe
Fall
Birthday
Inspirational
Aging
Else
Starts
True
Fifty
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
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Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
Phyllis Diller
