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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Wear
Maybe
Fall
Birthday
Inspirational
Aging
Else
Starts
True
Fifty
Everything
Begins
Life
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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
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I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
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If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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