Quote

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Wear
Maybe
Fall
Birthday
Inspirational
Aging
Else
Starts
True
Fifty
Everything
Begins
Life
Spread

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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
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self-pity is better than none.
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Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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