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Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Three
Independence
Money
Dollars
Women
Comfort
Children
Careers
Men
Respect
Love
Friends
Freedom
Dollar
Running
Luxury

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
Phyllis Diller
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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
Phyllis Diller
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
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... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
Phyllis Diller
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
Phyllis Diller
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
Phyllis Diller
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Phyllis Diller
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
Phyllis Diller
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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
Phyllis Diller
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
Phyllis Diller
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
Phyllis Diller
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
Phyllis Diller
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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
Phyllis Diller
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
Phyllis Diller
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
Phyllis Diller
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
Phyllis Diller