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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Call
Father
Used
Hyena
Hyenas
Laughing
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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self-pity is better than none.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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