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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Hyena
Hyenas
Laughing
Call
Father
Used

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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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