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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Call
Father
Used
Hyena
Hyenas
Laughing

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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
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He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
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self-pity is better than none.
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
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