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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Used
Hyena
Hyenas
Laughing
Call
Father

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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
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Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
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