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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Dog
Died
Funny
Licking
Wedding
Picture

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Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
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When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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