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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Wedding
Picture
Dog
Died
Funny
Licking
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
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I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: I'm not losing a son I'm gaining a couch.
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
Phyllis Diller
My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
Phyllis Diller
My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
Phyllis Diller
Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
Phyllis Diller
My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
Phyllis Diller
There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.
Phyllis Diller
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
Phyllis Diller
I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
Phyllis Diller
My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
Phyllis Diller
If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
Phyllis Diller
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
Phyllis Diller
... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
Phyllis Diller
My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
Phyllis Diller
Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
Phyllis Diller
I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
Phyllis Diller
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
Phyllis Diller
