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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Licking
Wedding
Picture
Dog
Died
Funny
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
Phyllis Diller
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
Phyllis Diller
Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
Phyllis Diller
I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
Phyllis Diller
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
Phyllis Diller
This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
Phyllis Diller
I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
Phyllis Diller
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Phyllis Diller
My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
Phyllis Diller
Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
Phyllis Diller
I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
Phyllis Diller
get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
Phyllis Diller
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Phyllis Diller
I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power.
Phyllis Diller
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
Phyllis Diller
I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
Phyllis Diller
self-pity is better than none.
Phyllis Diller
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
Phyllis Diller
I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
Phyllis Diller
[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
Phyllis Diller
