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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Lines
Song
Ends
Applause
Matter
Judged
Every
Singers
Comic
Line
Stand
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
Phyllis Diller
Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
Phyllis Diller
We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
Phyllis Diller
[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
Phyllis Diller
I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
Phyllis Diller
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
Phyllis Diller
If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
Phyllis Diller
Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
Phyllis Diller
get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
Phyllis Diller
You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
Phyllis Diller
Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
Phyllis Diller
My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
Phyllis Diller
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
Phyllis Diller
It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
Phyllis Diller
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
Phyllis Diller
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
Phyllis Diller
