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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Fangs
Cheap
Husband
Short
Asked
Couple
Words
Inspirational
Fang
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
Phyllis Diller
self-pity is better than none.
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He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller
My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
Phyllis Diller
Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
Phyllis Diller
We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
Phyllis Diller
I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
Phyllis Diller
When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
Phyllis Diller
I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
Phyllis Diller
My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
Phyllis Diller
There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.
Phyllis Diller
Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
Phyllis Diller
I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
Phyllis Diller
I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
Phyllis Diller
I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
Phyllis Diller
Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
Phyllis Diller
My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
Phyllis Diller
