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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Instinctively
Totally
Knew
Become
Better
Wanted
Right

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
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Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
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We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
Phyllis Diller
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
Phyllis Diller