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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Better
Wanted
Right
Instinctively
Totally
Knew
Become

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
Phyllis Diller
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
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There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.
Phyllis Diller
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
Phyllis Diller
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
Phyllis Diller
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller
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We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
Phyllis Diller
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In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
Phyllis Diller
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
Phyllis Diller
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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
Phyllis Diller
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
Phyllis Diller
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Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
Phyllis Diller
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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
Phyllis Diller
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
Phyllis Diller
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
Phyllis Diller
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
Phyllis Diller
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
Phyllis Diller