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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Weren
Baseball
Looked
Wouldn
Inspirational
Kids
Many
Millionaire
Like
Memorable

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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