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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Inspirational
Kids
Many
Millionaire
Like
Memorable
Weren
Baseball
Looked
Wouldn

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I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
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I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: I'm not losing a son I'm gaining a couch.
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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