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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
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Memorable
Weren
Baseball
Looked
Wouldn
Inspirational
Kids
Many
Millionaire

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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
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self-pity is better than none.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
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Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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