Quote

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Hours
Waiter
Three
Milk
Lady
Fresh
Grass
Asked
Comedy
Food

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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
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Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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