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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Inspirational
Lasted
Finest
Minute
Hour
Minutes
Hours
Half

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
Phyllis Diller
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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
Phyllis Diller
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
Phyllis Diller
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
Phyllis Diller
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller
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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
Phyllis Diller
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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
Phyllis Diller
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
Phyllis Diller
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... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
Phyllis Diller
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
Phyllis Diller
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
Phyllis Diller
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
Phyllis Diller
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He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
Phyllis Diller
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
Phyllis Diller
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
Phyllis Diller
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
Phyllis Diller
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
Phyllis Diller
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
Phyllis Diller