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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Looks
Like
Photographs
Photograph
Justice
Inspirational
Look

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
Phyllis Diller
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
Phyllis Diller
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
Phyllis Diller
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
Phyllis Diller
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
Phyllis Diller
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
Phyllis Diller
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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
Phyllis Diller
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
Phyllis Diller
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
Phyllis Diller
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
Phyllis Diller
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
Phyllis Diller
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
Phyllis Diller
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
Phyllis Diller
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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
Phyllis Diller