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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Without
Yorkers
Time
Cab
Robbed
Taxi
Bank
Argument
Comedy
Three
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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
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