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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Three
Without
Yorkers
Time
Cab
Robbed
Taxi
Bank
Argument
Comedy

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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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