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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Comedy
Three
Without
Yorkers
Time
Cab
Robbed
Taxi
Bank
Argument
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
Phyllis Diller
My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
Phyllis Diller
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
Phyllis Diller
I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
Phyllis Diller
I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
Phyllis Diller
My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
Phyllis Diller
Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
Phyllis Diller
My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
Phyllis Diller
It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
Phyllis Diller
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
Phyllis Diller
For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
Phyllis Diller
I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
Phyllis Diller
When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
Phyllis Diller
Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
Phyllis Diller
