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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Skin
Skins
Core
Deep
Beauty
Inspirational
Thing
Good
Rotten

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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
Phyllis Diller