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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Inspirational
Motherhood
Left
Breasts
Mother
Beneath
Knees
Tricks
Turned
Knee
Law
Breast
Pain
Trick
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
Phyllis Diller
If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
Phyllis Diller
It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
Phyllis Diller
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
Phyllis Diller
It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
Phyllis Diller
You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
Phyllis Diller
This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
Phyllis Diller
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
Phyllis Diller
Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
Phyllis Diller
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
Phyllis Diller
When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
Phyllis Diller
Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
Phyllis Diller
I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
Phyllis Diller
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
Phyllis Diller
My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
Phyllis Diller
I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
Phyllis Diller
