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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Looks
Birthday
Men
Vision
Like
Beauty
Age
Whatever
Eyesight
Inspirational
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May
Fades
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More quotes by Phyllis Diller
It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
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It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
Phyllis Diller
I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
Phyllis Diller
I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
Phyllis Diller
Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
Phyllis Diller
Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
Phyllis Diller
I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: I'm not losing a son I'm gaining a couch.
Phyllis Diller
I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
Phyllis Diller
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
Phyllis Diller
When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
Phyllis Diller
My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
Phyllis Diller
Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
Phyllis Diller
... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
Phyllis Diller
If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
Phyllis Diller
In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
Phyllis Diller
I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
Phyllis Diller
Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
Phyllis Diller
