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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Inspirational
Anniversary
May
Fades
Look
Marry
Looks
Birthday
Men
Vision
Like
Beauty
Age
Whatever
Eyesight
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Phyllis Diller
You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
Phyllis Diller
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Phyllis Diller
I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
Phyllis Diller
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller
Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
Phyllis Diller
We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
Phyllis Diller
A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
Phyllis Diller
Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
Phyllis Diller
My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
Phyllis Diller
Comedy is tragedy revisited.
Phyllis Diller
I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
Phyllis Diller
Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
Phyllis Diller
I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
Phyllis Diller
Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
Phyllis Diller
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
Phyllis Diller
Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
Phyllis Diller
I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
Phyllis Diller
I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
Phyllis Diller
