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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Age
Whatever
Eyesight
Inspirational
Anniversary
May
Fades
Look
Marry
Looks
Birthday
Men
Vision
Like
Beauty
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
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Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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self-pity is better than none.
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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
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I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
Phyllis Diller
I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
Phyllis Diller
You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
Phyllis Diller
Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
Phyllis Diller
Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
Phyllis Diller
I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
Phyllis Diller
