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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Sex
Lives
Boyfriend
Away
Tremendous
Forty
Admit
Miles
Drive

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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
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