Quote

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.

Phyllis Diller

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Alligator
Alligators
Barefoot
Compliments
Compliment
Shoes
Someone

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

Image
For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
Phyllis Diller
Image
Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
Phyllis Diller
Image
I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
Phyllis Diller
Image
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller
Image
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Phyllis Diller
Image
This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller
Image
I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
Phyllis Diller
Image
When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
Phyllis Diller
Image
I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
Phyllis Diller
Image
It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
Phyllis Diller