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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Inspirational
Made
Never
Bachelor
Bachelors
Anniversary
Mistake
Guy
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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self-pity is better than none.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
Phyllis Diller
I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
Phyllis Diller
It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
Phyllis Diller
I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
Phyllis Diller
Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
Phyllis Diller
