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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Thought
Harbor
Pearl
Harbors
Pearls
Thanksgiving
Cooking
Fun
Kids
Commemorate
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
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I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
Phyllis Diller
Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
Phyllis Diller
Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
Phyllis Diller
When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
Phyllis Diller
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Phyllis Diller
When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
Phyllis Diller
I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
Phyllis Diller
All mothers are working mothers.
Phyllis Diller
If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
Phyllis Diller
I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
Phyllis Diller
I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
Phyllis Diller
self-pity is better than none.
Phyllis Diller
In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
Phyllis Diller
I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
Phyllis Diller
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
Phyllis Diller
Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
Phyllis Diller
