Quote

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Phyllis Diller

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Fighting
Bed
Funny
Anger
Never
Angry
Marriage
Stay
Fight
Anniversary
Fun
Comedian
Sleep
Mad

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

Image
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
Phyllis Diller
Image
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
Phyllis Diller
Image
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
Image
I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
Phyllis Diller
Image
You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
Phyllis Diller
Image
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
Phyllis Diller
Image
I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
Phyllis Diller
Image
I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Phyllis Diller
Image
... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
Phyllis Diller
Image
For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
Phyllis Diller
Image
... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
Phyllis Diller