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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Fight
Anniversary
Fun
Comedian
Sleep
Mad
Fighting
Bed
Funny
Anger
Never
Angry
Marriage
Stay

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
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When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
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Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
Phyllis Diller
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
Phyllis Diller
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
Phyllis Diller
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
Phyllis Diller
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
Phyllis Diller
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
Phyllis Diller
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
Phyllis Diller
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
Phyllis Diller
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
Phyllis Diller
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
Phyllis Diller