Quote

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Mother
Humor
Shut
Firsts
Walks
Silly
First
Crazy
Mom
Children
Education
Telling
Talk
Spend
Funny
Teaching
Hilarious
Lives
Walk
Parenting
Next
Months
Twelve

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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.
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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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