Quote

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

Phyllis Diller

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Talk
Spend
Funny
Teaching
Hilarious
Lives
Walk
Parenting
Next
Months
Twelve
Mother
Humor
Shut
Firsts
Walks
Silly
First
Crazy
Mom
Children
Education
Telling

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

Image
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
Phyllis Diller
Image
I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
Phyllis Diller
Image
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
Phyllis Diller
Image
When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
Phyllis Diller
Image
I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
Phyllis Diller
Image
In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
Phyllis Diller
Image
When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
Phyllis Diller
Image
I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
Phyllis Diller
Image
When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
Phyllis Diller
Image
You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
Phyllis Diller
Image
I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
Phyllis Diller
Image
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
Phyllis Diller