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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Time
Housework
Steam
Witty
Iron
Humorous
Ironing
Enjoyed
Gin
Funny
Housekeeping
Ever
Accidentally

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
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I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
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It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
Phyllis Diller
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
Phyllis Diller
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Phyllis Diller
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
Phyllis Diller
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When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
Phyllis Diller
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self-pity is better than none.
Phyllis Diller
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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
Phyllis Diller
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
Phyllis Diller
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Phyllis Diller
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When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
Phyllis Diller
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
Phyllis Diller
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I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power.
Phyllis Diller
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
Phyllis Diller
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
Phyllis Diller