Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
Phyllis Diller
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Housekeeping
Funny
Accidentally
Ever
Time
Housework
Steam
Witty
Iron
Ironing
Humorous
Gin
Enjoyed
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
Phyllis Diller
Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
Phyllis Diller
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller
When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
Phyllis Diller
I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
Phyllis Diller
I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
Phyllis Diller
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller
It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
Phyllis Diller
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
Phyllis Diller
My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
Phyllis Diller
Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
Phyllis Diller
Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
Phyllis Diller
Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
Phyllis Diller
When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
Phyllis Diller
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
Phyllis Diller
Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
Phyllis Diller
My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
Phyllis Diller
I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
Phyllis Diller
