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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Steam
Witty
Iron
Humorous
Ironing
Enjoyed
Gin
Funny
Housekeeping
Ever
Accidentally
Time
Housework

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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
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self-pity is better than none.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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