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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Mom
Choose
Ones
Rest
Nice
Parenting
Home
Witty
Children
Aging
Always
Clever

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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
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Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
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He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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