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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Children
Aging
Always
Clever
Mom
Choose
Ones
Rest
Nice
Parenting
Home
Witty
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
Phyllis Diller
How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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