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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Best
Way
Odor
Witty
Kitchen
Humorous
Laughter
Funny
Inspirational
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Phyllis Diller
I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
Phyllis Diller
We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
Phyllis Diller
Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
Phyllis Diller
When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
Phyllis Diller
My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
Phyllis Diller
... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
Phyllis Diller
Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
Phyllis Diller
Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
Phyllis Diller
My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
Phyllis Diller
Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
Phyllis Diller
I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
Phyllis Diller
Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
Phyllis Diller
