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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Way
Odor
Witty
Kitchen
Humorous
Laughter
Funny
Inspirational
Best

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
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When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
Phyllis Diller
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
Phyllis Diller
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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
Phyllis Diller
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Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
Phyllis Diller