Quote

According to Domino's head of marketing, whose job we are doing for her right now, quote, it makes it easy for people to ask and receive something that they'll really use. It's cute. What better way to practice for your inevitable divorce than a gift you can easily divide evenly between the two of you?

Peter Sagal

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Peter Sagal
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 31
Humorist
Playwright
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Peter Daniel Sagal
Makes
Gift
Divides
Two
Whose
Cute
Better
Head
Divorce
Right
Asks
Marketing
Something
Practice
Receive
Domino
Really
Use
Inevitable
Evenly
Way
Jobs
According
Divide
People
Easy
Easily
Quote

More quotes by Peter Sagal

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We know that the president [Donald Trump] watches Saturday Night Live because he tweets about it. He doesn't like it, but he keeps watching it.
Peter Sagal
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After Luis Suarez of Uruguay bit an Italian opponent in the shoulder, two things happened. Suarez was thrown out of the rest of the tournament, and the player he bit turned Uruguayan.
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We amateur athletes are peculiarly devoted to our fitness, and our obsessions can sometimes be a burden to our loved ones and a mystery to everyone else.
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Former Sony CEO Amy Pascal - they threw her out of the headquarters, but they gave her a new office on the lot. But she can't move into it because it reeks of pot smoke. Apparently, this is true, the former tenant was Seth Rogan. And he, as we know, smokes so much weed, when he finally exhales, it looks like there's a new pope.
Peter Sagal
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We love things with biting - Twilight movies, zombie movies, eating.
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Women are using makeup to make their eyes look puffy, their noses look red, and instead of going to the gym, they start their day with a brisk walk of shame.
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In the ruling, Justice Roberts, who wrote the decision, referred to cell phones as not just phones but, quote, cameras, video players, rolodexes, calendars, tape recorders, libraries, and diaries, unquote. Plus, he went on, best friends, lovers.
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[Joe] Biden countered. He was speaking at a summit for working families, and he said he had no stocks, no bonds, or a savings account. He then asked a Secret Service agent to hand him his hobo bindle, and he jumped a freight train back to D.C.
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Ben & Jerry's ice cream will try to make some marijuana ice cream, resulting in thousands of people simultaneously getting and curing ice cream headaches.
Peter Sagal
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Buddhism - Tibetan Buddhism - teaches us many things, peace comes from within, we must be free ourselves from earthly desires...
Peter Sagal
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Sometimes you just have to get out there and just help somebody face to face.
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If the internet has taught us anything, it's that you want less news and more cats.
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Look out sinners because if you do not go to confession, confession will come to you. The Catholic Church in northern England has launched a mobile confession unit called the Mercy Bus.
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If self-driving cars are going to work - they're being tested now, as you know - the computers that drive them have to have lots of practice before they're allowed to get out in a real car on the roads.
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I love Salt Lake City. It's beautiful with all the great outdoors around you.
Peter Sagal
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Being a model seems like a dream job - lots of new clothes, cocaine, dates with Leonardo DiCaprio. But that's just for lady models.
Peter Sagal
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An Icelandic mayor goes on an anti-elf rant which gets him in trouble.
Peter Sagal
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In the old days, we painstakingly copied our emails onto paper, put a stamp on them and mailed them to arrive 4 to 5 days later. We also churned our own butter and used our phones for talking.
Peter Sagal
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With two years till the nomination, both [Joe] Biden and [Hillary] Clinton are positioning themselves to be the Democratic nominee. And are they stressing their experience, their ideas, their excellent hair? No. They've been talking about their poverty.
Peter Sagal
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NASA scientists announced the discovery of 50 new planets, among them what they're calling Super Earth. It's indistinguishable from regular earth until it removes its glasses.
Peter Sagal