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If we had known there was biting in soccer, we would have started watching years ago.

Peter Sagal

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Peter Sagal
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 31
Humorist
Playwright
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Peter Daniel Sagal
Known
Years
Would
Biting
Soccer
Watching
Started

More quotes by Peter Sagal

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Ben & Jerry's ice cream will try to make some marijuana ice cream, resulting in thousands of people simultaneously getting and curing ice cream headaches.
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Buddhism - Tibetan Buddhism - teaches us many things, peace comes from within, we must be free ourselves from earthly desires...
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So Grand Theft Auto, for those who don't know, is the video game series where players pretend to drive cars around these virtual cities, getting points for winning street races and killing people and generally creating mayhem. So, of course, we should make the robots practice driving in a violent, lawless dystopia.
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In the old days, we painstakingly copied our emails onto paper, put a stamp on them and mailed them to arrive 4 to 5 days later. We also churned our own butter and used our phones for talking.
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NASA scientists announced the discovery of 50 new planets, among them what they're calling Super Earth. It's indistinguishable from regular earth until it removes its glasses.
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The new French theme park based on Napoleon is named Napoleon's Bivouac, and will honor Napoleon with rides, battle reenactments, and the brutal March on Moscow ride. That's a walk-in freezer you stand in for 18 months while you try to eat a dead horse.
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According to Domino's head of marketing, whose job we are doing for her right now, quote, it makes it easy for people to ask and receive something that they'll really use. It's cute. What better way to practice for your inevitable divorce than a gift you can easily divide evenly between the two of you?
Peter Sagal
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In the ruling, Justice Roberts, who wrote the decision, referred to cell phones as not just phones but, quote, cameras, video players, rolodexes, calendars, tape recorders, libraries, and diaries, unquote. Plus, he went on, best friends, lovers.
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Women are using makeup to make their eyes look puffy, their noses look red, and instead of going to the gym, they start their day with a brisk walk of shame.
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Look out sinners because if you do not go to confession, confession will come to you. The Catholic Church in northern England has launched a mobile confession unit called the Mercy Bus.
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An Icelandic mayor goes on an anti-elf rant which gets him in trouble.
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Sometimes you just have to get out there and just help somebody face to face.
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We love things with biting - Twilight movies, zombie movies, eating.
Peter Sagal
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[Joe] Biden countered. He was speaking at a summit for working families, and he said he had no stocks, no bonds, or a savings account. He then asked a Secret Service agent to hand him his hobo bindle, and he jumped a freight train back to D.C.
Peter Sagal
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Being a model seems like a dream job - lots of new clothes, cocaine, dates with Leonardo DiCaprio. But that's just for lady models.
Peter Sagal
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After Luis Suarez of Uruguay bit an Italian opponent in the shoulder, two things happened. Suarez was thrown out of the rest of the tournament, and the player he bit turned Uruguayan.
Peter Sagal
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We amateur athletes are peculiarly devoted to our fitness, and our obsessions can sometimes be a burden to our loved ones and a mystery to everyone else.
Peter Sagal
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We runners talk about having fun but I don't think anybody believes us. We talk about discipline and endurance, we take care, we exercise caution, we watch our diets and monitor our pace. We are ascetics who talk, unconvincingly, of the bracing enjoyment of self-abuse.
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If you are using search data to decide what's fashionable, you are not fashionable.
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A wedding invitation is a gift subpoena.
Peter Sagal