Quote

Ben & Jerry's ice cream will try to make some marijuana ice cream, resulting in thousands of people simultaneously getting and curing ice cream headaches.

Peter Sagal

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Peter Sagal
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 31
Humorist
Playwright
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Peter Daniel Sagal
Getting
Resulting
Trying
Headache
Make
Jerry
People
Simultaneously
Marijuana
Cream
Ice
Curing
Thousands
Headaches

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We love things with biting - Twilight movies, zombie movies, eating.
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According to Domino's head of marketing, whose job we are doing for her right now, quote, it makes it easy for people to ask and receive something that they'll really use. It's cute. What better way to practice for your inevitable divorce than a gift you can easily divide evenly between the two of you?
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If self-driving cars are going to work - they're being tested now, as you know - the computers that drive them have to have lots of practice before they're allowed to get out in a real car on the roads.
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We know that the president [Donald Trump] watches Saturday Night Live because he tweets about it. He doesn't like it, but he keeps watching it.
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So Grand Theft Auto, for those who don't know, is the video game series where players pretend to drive cars around these virtual cities, getting points for winning street races and killing people and generally creating mayhem. So, of course, we should make the robots practice driving in a violent, lawless dystopia.
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[Joe] Biden countered. He was speaking at a summit for working families, and he said he had no stocks, no bonds, or a savings account. He then asked a Secret Service agent to hand him his hobo bindle, and he jumped a freight train back to D.C.
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I love Salt Lake City. It's beautiful with all the great outdoors around you.
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In the old days, we painstakingly copied our emails onto paper, put a stamp on them and mailed them to arrive 4 to 5 days later. We also churned our own butter and used our phones for talking.
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Look out sinners because if you do not go to confession, confession will come to you. The Catholic Church in northern England has launched a mobile confession unit called the Mercy Bus.
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We runners talk about having fun but I don't think anybody believes us. We talk about discipline and endurance, we take care, we exercise caution, we watch our diets and monitor our pace. We are ascetics who talk, unconvincingly, of the bracing enjoyment of self-abuse.
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Being a model seems like a dream job - lots of new clothes, cocaine, dates with Leonardo DiCaprio. But that's just for lady models.
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The new French theme park based on Napoleon is named Napoleon's Bivouac, and will honor Napoleon with rides, battle reenactments, and the brutal March on Moscow ride. That's a walk-in freezer you stand in for 18 months while you try to eat a dead horse.
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We amateur athletes are peculiarly devoted to our fitness, and our obsessions can sometimes be a burden to our loved ones and a mystery to everyone else.
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If the internet has taught us anything, it's that you want less news and more cats.
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Buddhism - Tibetan Buddhism - teaches us many things, peace comes from within, we must be free ourselves from earthly desires...
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An Icelandic mayor goes on an anti-elf rant which gets him in trouble.
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Women are using makeup to make their eyes look puffy, their noses look red, and instead of going to the gym, they start their day with a brisk walk of shame.
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NASA scientists announced the discovery of 50 new planets, among them what they're calling Super Earth. It's indistinguishable from regular earth until it removes its glasses.
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In the ruling, Justice Roberts, who wrote the decision, referred to cell phones as not just phones but, quote, cameras, video players, rolodexes, calendars, tape recorders, libraries, and diaries, unquote. Plus, he went on, best friends, lovers.
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With two years till the nomination, both [Joe] Biden and [Hillary] Clinton are positioning themselves to be the Democratic nominee. And are they stressing their experience, their ideas, their excellent hair? No. They've been talking about their poverty.
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