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A wedding invitation is a gift subpoena.

Peter Sagal

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Peter Sagal
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 31
Humorist
Playwright
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Peter Daniel Sagal
Gift
Subpoena
Subpoenas
Invitation
Invitations
Wedding

More quotes by Peter Sagal

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Buddhism - Tibetan Buddhism - teaches us many things, peace comes from within, we must be free ourselves from earthly desires...
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In the old days, we painstakingly copied our emails onto paper, put a stamp on them and mailed them to arrive 4 to 5 days later. We also churned our own butter and used our phones for talking.
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Ben & Jerry's ice cream will try to make some marijuana ice cream, resulting in thousands of people simultaneously getting and curing ice cream headaches.
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We runners talk about having fun but I don't think anybody believes us. We talk about discipline and endurance, we take care, we exercise caution, we watch our diets and monitor our pace. We are ascetics who talk, unconvincingly, of the bracing enjoyment of self-abuse.
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If you are using search data to decide what's fashionable, you are not fashionable.
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Sometimes you just have to get out there and just help somebody face to face.
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We love things with biting - Twilight movies, zombie movies, eating.
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So Grand Theft Auto, for those who don't know, is the video game series where players pretend to drive cars around these virtual cities, getting points for winning street races and killing people and generally creating mayhem. So, of course, we should make the robots practice driving in a violent, lawless dystopia.
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Former Sony CEO Amy Pascal - they threw her out of the headquarters, but they gave her a new office on the lot. But she can't move into it because it reeks of pot smoke. Apparently, this is true, the former tenant was Seth Rogan. And he, as we know, smokes so much weed, when he finally exhales, it looks like there's a new pope.
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An Icelandic mayor goes on an anti-elf rant which gets him in trouble.
Peter Sagal
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If self-driving cars are going to work - they're being tested now, as you know - the computers that drive them have to have lots of practice before they're allowed to get out in a real car on the roads.
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Women are using makeup to make their eyes look puffy, their noses look red, and instead of going to the gym, they start their day with a brisk walk of shame.
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On Valentine's Day, couples in Calgary can celebrate their love for each other with couples' nude yoga - great way to get in shape and see a side of your partner you've never seen before and never want to see again.
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I love Salt Lake City. It's beautiful with all the great outdoors around you.
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We know that the president [Donald Trump] watches Saturday Night Live because he tweets about it. He doesn't like it, but he keeps watching it.
Peter Sagal
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According to Domino's head of marketing, whose job we are doing for her right now, quote, it makes it easy for people to ask and receive something that they'll really use. It's cute. What better way to practice for your inevitable divorce than a gift you can easily divide evenly between the two of you?
Peter Sagal
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Being a model seems like a dream job - lots of new clothes, cocaine, dates with Leonardo DiCaprio. But that's just for lady models.
Peter Sagal
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NASA scientists announced the discovery of 50 new planets, among them what they're calling Super Earth. It's indistinguishable from regular earth until it removes its glasses.
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After Luis Suarez of Uruguay bit an Italian opponent in the shoulder, two things happened. Suarez was thrown out of the rest of the tournament, and the player he bit turned Uruguayan.
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The new French theme park based on Napoleon is named Napoleon's Bivouac, and will honor Napoleon with rides, battle reenactments, and the brutal March on Moscow ride. That's a walk-in freezer you stand in for 18 months while you try to eat a dead horse.
Peter Sagal