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A wedding invitation is a gift subpoena.

Peter Sagal

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Peter Sagal
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 31
Humorist
Playwright
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Peter Daniel Sagal
Subpoena
Subpoenas
Invitation
Invitations
Wedding
Gift

More quotes by Peter Sagal

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We know that the president [Donald Trump] watches Saturday Night Live because he tweets about it. He doesn't like it, but he keeps watching it.
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If you are using search data to decide what's fashionable, you are not fashionable.
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Ben & Jerry's ice cream will try to make some marijuana ice cream, resulting in thousands of people simultaneously getting and curing ice cream headaches.
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Buddhism - Tibetan Buddhism - teaches us many things, peace comes from within, we must be free ourselves from earthly desires...
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An Icelandic mayor goes on an anti-elf rant which gets him in trouble.
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The new French theme park based on Napoleon is named Napoleon's Bivouac, and will honor Napoleon with rides, battle reenactments, and the brutal March on Moscow ride. That's a walk-in freezer you stand in for 18 months while you try to eat a dead horse.
Peter Sagal
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If the internet has taught us anything, it's that you want less news and more cats.
Peter Sagal
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We love things with biting - Twilight movies, zombie movies, eating.
Peter Sagal
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[Joe] Biden countered. He was speaking at a summit for working families, and he said he had no stocks, no bonds, or a savings account. He then asked a Secret Service agent to hand him his hobo bindle, and he jumped a freight train back to D.C.
Peter Sagal
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If we had known there was biting in soccer, we would have started watching years ago.
Peter Sagal
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On Valentine's Day, couples in Calgary can celebrate their love for each other with couples' nude yoga - great way to get in shape and see a side of your partner you've never seen before and never want to see again.
Peter Sagal
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In the old days, we painstakingly copied our emails onto paper, put a stamp on them and mailed them to arrive 4 to 5 days later. We also churned our own butter and used our phones for talking.
Peter Sagal
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With two years till the nomination, both [Joe] Biden and [Hillary] Clinton are positioning themselves to be the Democratic nominee. And are they stressing their experience, their ideas, their excellent hair? No. They've been talking about their poverty.
Peter Sagal
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Being a model seems like a dream job - lots of new clothes, cocaine, dates with Leonardo DiCaprio. But that's just for lady models.
Peter Sagal
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Sometimes you just have to get out there and just help somebody face to face.
Peter Sagal
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NASA scientists announced the discovery of 50 new planets, among them what they're calling Super Earth. It's indistinguishable from regular earth until it removes its glasses.
Peter Sagal
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In the ruling, Justice Roberts, who wrote the decision, referred to cell phones as not just phones but, quote, cameras, video players, rolodexes, calendars, tape recorders, libraries, and diaries, unquote. Plus, he went on, best friends, lovers.
Peter Sagal
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We runners talk about having fun but I don't think anybody believes us. We talk about discipline and endurance, we take care, we exercise caution, we watch our diets and monitor our pace. We are ascetics who talk, unconvincingly, of the bracing enjoyment of self-abuse.
Peter Sagal
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I love Salt Lake City. It's beautiful with all the great outdoors around you.
Peter Sagal
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According to Domino's head of marketing, whose job we are doing for her right now, quote, it makes it easy for people to ask and receive something that they'll really use. It's cute. What better way to practice for your inevitable divorce than a gift you can easily divide evenly between the two of you?
Peter Sagal