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I'm the only person I know of who's ever been pulled over for attempted speeding.

Paula Poundstone

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Paula Poundstone
Age: 64
Born: 1959
Born: December 29
Actor
Author
Comedian
Pundit
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Huntsville
Alabama
Attempted
Pulled
Persons
Person
Ever
Speeding

More quotes by Paula Poundstone

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Speaking of happy successes, after years of struggling to lose those few extra pounds every mother puts on during adoption, particularly when the doctor orders bed rest, in 2004 I sent my assistant to the Gap in dark glasses with a fake ID to purchase my first pair of Easy Fit jeans.
Paula Poundstone
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When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise.
Paula Poundstone
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It is the best part of the night. The classic interactive lines are 'Where are you from? What do you do for a living?' I almost always get something interesting.
Paula Poundstone
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I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.
Paula Poundstone
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I used to work at The International House of Pancakes. It was a dream, and I made it happen.
Paula Poundstone
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I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.
Paula Poundstone
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My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it.
Paula Poundstone
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I get in fewer arguments when I'm alone.
Paula Poundstone
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There are really only so many foods and so many ways you can prepare them.
Paula Poundstone
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I’m an atheist. The good news about atheists is that we have no mandate to convert anyone. So you’ll never find me on your doorstep on a Saturday morning with a big smile saying ‘Just stopped by to tell you there is no word. I brought along this little blank book I was hoping you could take a look at.’
Paula Poundstone
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I have a horrible memory and I used to consider that a liability, but I've learned along the way that talking to people is really a beautiful thing.
Paula Poundstone
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Gay Republicans, how exactly does that work? 'We disapprove of our own lifestyle. We beat ourselves up in parking lots.
Paula Poundstone
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My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'
Paula Poundstone
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The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.
Paula Poundstone
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When I sat down to write I just felt like a geek writing about myself. And then it dawned on me, just because of the way I am, I can't stop talking, and part of the problem is that anything that gets said reminds me of something that happened to me one time, and invariably I cut people off and talk about myself.
Paula Poundstone
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I'll probably never have children because I don't believe in touching people for any reason.
Paula Poundstone
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I have short-term memory loss, though I'd like to think of it as Persidential eligibility.
Paula Poundstone
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I have terrible short-term memory loss, which I like to think of as Presidential eligibility.
Paula Poundstone
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The mistakes that I made I made because I drank too much. I don't think that's going to happen any more. Am I going to make mistakes as a parent? Sadly, every day. I'm looking around for the perfect parent and I haven't seen one yet.
Paula Poundstone
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I hate it when my hair is engaged in unauthorized activities.
Paula Poundstone