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I'm the only person I know of who's ever been pulled over for attempted speeding.

Paula Poundstone

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Paula Poundstone
Age: 64
Born: 1959
Born: December 29
Actor
Author
Comedian
Pundit
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Huntsville
Alabama
Attempted
Pulled
Persons
Person
Ever
Speeding

More quotes by Paula Poundstone

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My parents got carried away with the letter P when they were naming the kids in our family. There's me, Paula, my sisters Peggy and Patty, and my brother Pjimmy, spelled with a silent P.
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Once I was gone for a month and I was just miserable, so I flew back from Florida for two hours just to be home and see my cats.
Paula Poundstone
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I have short-term memory loss, though I'd like to think of it as Persidential eligibility.
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I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.
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I think we need a 12-step group for non-stop talkers. We're going to call it On and On Anon.
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When we live up to our Constitution, let's form a Conga line around the Capitol and bungee jump off the dome.
Paula Poundstone
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The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.
Paula Poundstone
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I don't need a holiday or a feast to feel grateful for my children, the sun, the moon, the roof over my head, music, and laughter, but I like to take this time to take the path of thanks less traveled.
Paula Poundstone
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There are really only so many foods and so many ways you can prepare them.
Paula Poundstone
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I get the first flight out from anywhere I am because I have to come home to my kids.
Paula Poundstone
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I love talking to the audience, and I must be the luckiest performer in the world. I always land something or somebody that just takes off.
Paula Poundstone
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I was one of the first people to almost actually vomit over hearing the use of the phrase family values and I pride myself on never having fallen for the idea that Barbara Bush was sweet and grandmotherly. I met Barbara Bush and, as I expected, she was a tank with eyes, not a nice person at all and why should that blow anybody away?
Paula Poundstone
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I was diagnosed a number of years ago with obsessive-compulsive disorder - which everyone has, to some degree - and I have this really annoying trait where in conversation, I always steer it back to something that happened to me.
Paula Poundstone
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When every high school graduate can spell the word, 'inauguration,' let's put lampshades on our heads and listen to his speeches until Obama's voice gives out.
Paula Poundstone
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The truth is libraries are raucous clubhouses for free speech, controversy and community.
Paula Poundstone
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The pleasure of the mulch pile is incomprehensible. I wouldn't care if they just hauled the mulch to the landfill somewhere. Obviously, grass clippings are biodegradable, but when they're bunched together at the landfill, they become badly influenced by other garbage.
Paula Poundstone
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I was the youngest in my family. When the other kids went to school, my mother would make them breakfast and then she would go back to bed for an hour, so I was sort of babysat by television.
Paula Poundstone
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Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas
Paula Poundstone
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I don't like sex ... I'm a single working mom with nine cats, a dog-shark, a lizard, and a bunny. I don't go to bed, I pass out. The idea that I'd get to my bed and there'd be someone in there with whom I was supposed to have an activity is horrifying to me.
Paula Poundstone
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I made mistakes and I broke the law and I'm more than willing to pay a price for that. But there's a price beyond that that my children have paid, and that's not what was supposed to happen.
Paula Poundstone