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I know a little bit about handicapping. If the horse has an IV, you want to stay - away from it.
Paula Poundstone
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Paula Poundstone
Age: 64
Born: 1959
Born: December 29
Actor
Author
Comedian
Pundit
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Huntsville
Alabama
Horse
Stay
Bits
Away
Littles
Little
Gambling
More quotes by Paula Poundstone
I think we need a 12-step group for non-stop talkers. We're going to call it On and On Anon.
Paula Poundstone
Can you remember when you didn't want to sleep? Isn't it inconceivable? I guess the definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep.
Paula Poundstone
I got my dog three years ago because I was drunk in a pet store. We had nine cats at the time. The cats started hiding the alcohol after that.
Paula Poundstone
I have terrible short-term memory loss, which I like to think of as Presidential eligibility.
Paula Poundstone
I'll probably never have children because I don't believe in touching people for any reason.
Paula Poundstone
When every high school graduate can spell the word, 'inauguration,' let's put lampshades on our heads and listen to his speeches until Obama's voice gives out.
Paula Poundstone
My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it.
Paula Poundstone
The truth is libraries are raucous clubhouses for free speech, controversy and community.
Paula Poundstone
When we live up to our Constitution, let's form a Conga line around the Capitol and bungee jump off the dome.
Paula Poundstone
I love talking to the audience, and I must be the luckiest performer in the world. I always land something or somebody that just takes off.
Paula Poundstone
I don't need a holiday or a feast to feel grateful for my children, the sun, the moon, the roof over my head, music, and laughter, but I like to take this time to take the path of thanks less traveled.
Paula Poundstone
Speaking of happy successes, after years of struggling to lose those few extra pounds every mother puts on during adoption, particularly when the doctor orders bed rest, in 2004 I sent my assistant to the Gap in dark glasses with a fake ID to purchase my first pair of Easy Fit jeans.
Paula Poundstone
President Obama could keep a big map with push pins on it to keep track of how many countries hate us, and when we get down to only half, let's have a ball. I'll blow up the balloons myself.
Paula Poundstone
I get the first flight out from anywhere I am because I have to come home to my kids.
Paula Poundstone
I made mistakes and I broke the law and I'm more than willing to pay a price for that. But there's a price beyond that that my children have paid, and that's not what was supposed to happen.
Paula Poundstone
I have a horrible memory and I used to consider that a liability, but I've learned along the way that talking to people is really a beautiful thing.
Paula Poundstone
I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.
Paula Poundstone
The definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep.
Paula Poundstone
I get in fewer arguments when I'm alone.
Paula Poundstone
I hate it when my hair is engaged in unauthorized activities.
Paula Poundstone
