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I think we need a 12-step group for non-stop talkers. We're going to call it On and On Anon.

Paula Poundstone

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Paula Poundstone
Age: 64
Born: 1959
Born: December 29
Actor
Author
Comedian
Pundit
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Huntsville
Alabama
Think
Step
Thinking
Groups
Steps
Stop
Call
Anon
Need
Talkers
Needs
Intriguing
Going
Group

More quotes by Paula Poundstone

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I hate it when my hair is engaged in unauthorized activities.
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I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.
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I did auditions at a club called the Comedy Connection. They wanted nothing to do with me. But one night they were doing a night of all women comics, and they invited me to do that.
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It is the best part of the night. The classic interactive lines are 'Where are you from? What do you do for a living?' I almost always get something interesting.
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The mistakes that I made I made because I drank too much. I don't think that's going to happen any more. Am I going to make mistakes as a parent? Sadly, every day. I'm looking around for the perfect parent and I haven't seen one yet.
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My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it.
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President Obama could keep a big map with push pins on it to keep track of how many countries hate us, and when we get down to only half, let's have a ball. I'll blow up the balloons myself.
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I was diagnosed a number of years ago with obsessive-compulsive disorder - which everyone has, to some degree - and I have this really annoying trait where in conversation, I always steer it back to something that happened to me.
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The definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep.
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I don't like sex ... I'm a single working mom with nine cats, a dog-shark, a lizard, and a bunny. I don't go to bed, I pass out. The idea that I'd get to my bed and there'd be someone in there with whom I was supposed to have an activity is horrifying to me.
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When I sat down to write I just felt like a geek writing about myself. And then it dawned on me, just because of the way I am, I can't stop talking, and part of the problem is that anything that gets said reminds me of something that happened to me one time, and invariably I cut people off and talk about myself.
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I'll probably never have children because I don't believe in touching people for any reason.
Paula Poundstone
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The pleasure of the mulch pile is incomprehensible. I wouldn't care if they just hauled the mulch to the landfill somewhere. Obviously, grass clippings are biodegradable, but when they're bunched together at the landfill, they become badly influenced by other garbage.
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I don't need a holiday or a feast to feel grateful for my children, the sun, the moon, the roof over my head, music, and laughter, but I like to take this time to take the path of thanks less traveled.
Paula Poundstone
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I'm the only person I know of who's ever been pulled over for attempted speeding.
Paula Poundstone
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I love talking to the audience, and I must be the luckiest performer in the world. I always land something or somebody that just takes off.
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I have terrible short-term memory loss, which I like to think of as Presidential eligibility.
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There are really only so many foods and so many ways you can prepare them.
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I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.
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When every high school graduate can spell the word, 'inauguration,' let's put lampshades on our heads and listen to his speeches until Obama's voice gives out.
Paula Poundstone