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I have terrible short-term memory loss, which I like to think of as Presidential eligibility.

Paula Poundstone

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Paula Poundstone
Age: 64
Born: 1959
Born: December 29
Actor
Author
Comedian
Pundit
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Huntsville
Alabama
Short
Loss
Terrible
Memories
Term
Think
Eligibility
Thinking
Presidential
Like
Memory

More quotes by Paula Poundstone

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When I sat down to write I just felt like a geek writing about myself. And then it dawned on me, just because of the way I am, I can't stop talking, and part of the problem is that anything that gets said reminds me of something that happened to me one time, and invariably I cut people off and talk about myself.
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My parents got carried away with the letter P when they were naming the kids in our family. There's me, Paula, my sisters Peggy and Patty, and my brother Pjimmy, spelled with a silent P.
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I have short-term memory loss, though I'd like to think of it as Persidential eligibility.
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I made mistakes and I broke the law and I'm more than willing to pay a price for that. But there's a price beyond that that my children have paid, and that's not what was supposed to happen.
Paula Poundstone
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Can you remember when you didn't want to sleep? Isn't it inconceivable? I guess the definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep.
Paula Poundstone
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The definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep.
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My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it.
Paula Poundstone
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I get the first flight out from anywhere I am because I have to come home to my kids.
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I love key lime pie, although it's never made the proper way.
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I confess that when I first read that smog is particularly hazardous to children, senior citizens, and physically active people, for a brief moment I thought, “I’m in the clear for at least 10 more years.”
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The truth is libraries are raucous clubhouses for free speech, controversy and community.
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I get in fewer arguments when I'm alone.
Paula Poundstone
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I think we need a 12-step group for non-stop talkers. We're going to call it On and On Anon.
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I talk to a lot of librarians, and there's always a steady drumbeat of how libraries are places of community. But a lot of them have also recently - and just in the nick of time - refurbished, because during this economic downturn, people have a tendency to borrow instead of buy.
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Gay Republicans, how exactly does that work? 'We disapprove of our own lifestyle. We beat ourselves up in parking lots.
Paula Poundstone
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The mistakes that I made I made because I drank too much. I don't think that's going to happen any more. Am I going to make mistakes as a parent? Sadly, every day. I'm looking around for the perfect parent and I haven't seen one yet.
Paula Poundstone
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I love talking to the audience, and I must be the luckiest performer in the world. I always land something or somebody that just takes off.
Paula Poundstone
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There are really only so many foods and so many ways you can prepare them.
Paula Poundstone
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I have a horrible memory and I used to consider that a liability, but I've learned along the way that talking to people is really a beautiful thing.
Paula Poundstone
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Speaking of happy successes, after years of struggling to lose those few extra pounds every mother puts on during adoption, particularly when the doctor orders bed rest, in 2004 I sent my assistant to the Gap in dark glasses with a fake ID to purchase my first pair of Easy Fit jeans.
Paula Poundstone